apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
