I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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