I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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