You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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