just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize