yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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