somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
