he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize