I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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