In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
