She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
