your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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