How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
