you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize