i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
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