He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
