Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
