if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
