after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
