I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
