dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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