I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
