I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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