woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
