I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
