you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
