We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
