I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
