he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
