i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
