He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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