Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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