I wish I could punch you in the face.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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