The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
