U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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