Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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