We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
