Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
