my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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