there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
