WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
