he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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