Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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