dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
