Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
