Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
