Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
