i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
