I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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