I think my vagina is haunted
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he told me I talked like a deaf person
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
