If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
