Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
