I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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