Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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