I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
