Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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