you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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