Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
