Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
