I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Randomize
