I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
