ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
