At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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