Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
