I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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