some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
