My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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