she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
