Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just gift wrapped bread.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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