piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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