Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
