the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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